Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
