You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
