he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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