I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
