i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
