I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
