what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
time to smoke my breakfast
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
