Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
