Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
