After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
