I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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