I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
