I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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