Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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