I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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