the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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