So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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