Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can I color on your dick again?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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