I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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