Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
