I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
