Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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