I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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