and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
