pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
