shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
