guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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