dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
