are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
