i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
