i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
