Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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