If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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