Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
