just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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