please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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