Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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