so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
