I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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