i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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