so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize