its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Two words: blizzard sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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