I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
