How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
