So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
