DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
