you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
