He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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