Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
