your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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