I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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