Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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