btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
