Where is the hickey?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
being pregnant is like rehab
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
