It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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