matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
