he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've blown a few things in my day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
