did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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