you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
