You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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