we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I lost the right to judge tonight
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
