I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
