; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
