hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
