i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
