If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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