My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
