Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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