i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
