sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
