a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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